Online Users: 1,002

0 members and 1,002 guests
No Members online
..........................
Subscribe to our Newsletter here!

Latest Forum Topics

Aisha Khan (UK) On Tour
Last post by Jitterbug
20-03-2024 07:53 AM
0 Replies
ROCKIN TONES @ St...
Last post by Rockintones
06-03-2024 03:09 PM
0 Replies
New Song/Video Release!
Last post by escaplaunch
06-03-2024 01:31 AM
0 Replies
ROCKINTONES @ Alexander...
Last post by Rockintones
01-03-2024 01:32 PM
0 Replies
The Uptown Catz @ DJ...
Last post by Joseph Breitenfeld
29-02-2024 06:55 PM
0 Replies


+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    255

    My way to feeling better

    Kinda think we need to lighten up what with all the posts (culture Shock) so I decided to share with you my way off feeling a little better.
    I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.


    Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.


    So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay,

    a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a choclets. Yu haf no idr how bludy guod I feel rite now.

    Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr paece.




    ====
    That,ll be the day the music die,s

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    1,074

    Re: My way to feeling better

    Hey Mate.......Gunna Try IT..................YEP!...............It WWWWWWWwwwwwwooooooooooorrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkksssssss sssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS......Tar ffffffuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrttthhhhhhhaaaTTTTT... .C C C cyar shshshanne

  3. #3

    Re: My way to feeling better

    That's made my day ....

  4. #4

    Re: My way to feeling better



    Db can understand ya ray n shane

    He's an multilinguist in pissonesse and typoneesse


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    NSW Country
    Posts
    350

    Re: My way to feeling better

    Whilst we're on a joke or two Ha Ha !!!


    Irish golfer
    A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the ball beside him.
    Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
    'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.
    'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.
    'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'
    'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I’m just glad you're OK, and I apologize,’ and the golfer walks off.
    'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him.I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

    A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
    'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here, the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how’s yer golf game?'
    'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I’m an internationally famous golfer now.’ He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'
    'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye.I did that fer yer game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'

    'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states.’ When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!'
    'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'
    The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment and says shyly, 'It's OK.'
    C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun,’ I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'
    Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,’ Once’, sometimes twice a week.’ What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock?’ That’s all? Only once or twice a week?'
    'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.'
    Aspire to inspire - - - before you Expire !

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    255

    Re: My way to feeling better

    I cannot understand how I could go to bed feeling as good as I did last night and wakeup feeling soooo bad. Then I read your joke gjo67,funny very funny.You have started me off again.Look out for the Collingwood jokes.Now I,m off to make myself better again.
    That,ll be the day the music die,s

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    NSW Country
    Posts
    350

    Re: My way to feeling better

    THE GOLF ROBOT
    A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie."
    The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today."
    The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job."
    The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir.. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole." Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green.
    The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right." The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left."
    Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.
    Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game?" The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week."
    A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please."
    The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints."
    "COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible"
    The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fairway."
    The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?"
    The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the other thinks he's the President."
    Aspire to inspire - - - before you Expire !

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    255

    Re: My way to feeling better

    Eddie McGuire flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Aussie rules and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Collingwood


    He's signed to a one-year contract and the kid joins the team for the pre-season.


    Two weeks later the magpies are down by 6 goals to Carlton with only 10 minutes left.


    The coach gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - kicks 7 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the magpies!


    The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media are in love with the new star.


    When the player comes off the ground he phones his mum to tell her about his first day of AFL.

    'Hello mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 10 minutes today, we were 6 goals down, but I kicked 7 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media...

    'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.'


    The young Iraqi is very upset.

    'What can I say mum, I'm so sorry.'

    'Sorry? You're sorry?' says his mum, 'It's your fault we moved to Collingwood in the first place!'
    That,ll be the day the music die,s

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    255

    Re: My way to feeling better

    A Good Collingwood family (is there such a thing?)
    A Family of Collingwood supporters head out one Saturday morning to do their Christmas shoplifting . While in Rebel Sports the son picks up a Richmond footy jumper and says to his 10 year old sister, "I've decided to become a Tiger supporter and I would like this for Christmas". His sister, outraged by this, promptly whacks him round the head with her carton of Winfields and says, "Go talk to Mum.

    Off goes the little lad with the Richmond footy jumper in hand and finds his mother. "Mum?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Tiger supporter and I would like this jumper for Christmas". The mother is outraged at this and throws her moccasins and a full stubbie of VB at him, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "lets go talk to your father".

    Off they go to Pentridge during visiting hours with footy jumper in hand and find bubba, his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Richmond supporter and I would like this jumper for Christmas". The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head with his fists and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT", and then kicks him from one end of the rec. room to the other for further good measure.

    About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home (Reservoir). The mother turns to her son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes knackers I have." "Good son, what is it?"

    The son replies, "I've only been a Richmond supporter for an hour and already I hate you Collingwood bastards."
    That,ll be the day the music die,s

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    255

    Re: My way to feeling better

    That,ll be the day the music die,s

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts


Top Forum Contributors - last 7 days

Top Forum Contributors - all time

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v4.1.0