>Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a
>coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option.
>I will win.
>_________________________________________________ __________________
>Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
>hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
>man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
>these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't
>know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind,
>as a form of holy communion.
>_________________________________________________ __________________
>
>Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
>take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get
>as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
>_________________________________________________ __________________
>
>Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
>store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
>"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
>_________________________________________________ __________________
>
>Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
>on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
>much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
>_________________________________________________ __________________
>
>Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
>while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
>looking for it . . . though one time I was able to survive by holding a
>calculator. (applies to engineers mainly)
>
>_________________________________________________ __________________
>
>Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
>true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make
>up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
>_________________________________________________ __________________
>
>Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
>come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
>than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need
>to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
>_________________________________________________ __________________
>Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
>are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . and if you are
>feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at least remember the
>name and recommend it to others.
>_________________________________________________ __________________
>
>Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
>were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
>With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
>Can we just go now?
>_________________________________________________ __________________
>
>Because I'm a man , and this is, after all, the year 2009, I will share
>equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
>cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like
>wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
>
>This has been a public service message for women to better understand
>men
>
I received this as an email recently, thought this could be a good sequel.
DICTIONARY FOR WOMAN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - In bed with lots of people
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological Liar
Contagious smile - Does pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very "friendly"person
Fun - Annoying
New age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud & embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large Frame - Gigantus Elephantus
Wants soul mate - Stalker
WOMAN'S ENGLISH
1 Yes = No
2 No = Yes
3 Maybe = No
4 We need = I want
5 I am sorry = You will be sorry
6 We need to talk = You're in trouble
7 Sure go a head = You'd better not
8 Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
9 I am not upset = of course I am upset you MORON!
10 you're very attentive = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1 I am hungry = I am hungry
2 I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3 I am tired = I am tired
4 Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5 I love you = lets make love
6 I am bored = do you want to make love
7 May I have this dance = I'd like to make love with you
8 Can I take you out to dinner = I'd like to make love with you
A recent study found that women find different male faces & body features attractive, depending on where there hormonal cycle is.
Example early to mid cycle she prefers a man with rugged, masculine features, however during the later part of the cycle,she prefers the man doused in petrol, set alight, with scissors in the eye, and a cricket stump used as a suppository.
With this message you can think what you like! keep an open mind.
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