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Thread: Guitarist gags

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia
    Posts
    410

    Guitarist gags

    Guitar Jokes
    What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out both sides of his mouth?
    The stage is level.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
    Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
    Give him some sheet music.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.
    Both suck when you plug them in.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How do you make a bass player turn down the volume?
    Put a chart in front of him.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
    None--they just steal somebody else\'s light.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
    Counterpoint.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
    He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    What\'s the best thing to play on a guitar?
    Solitaire.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.
    Don\'t bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice.
    One, but the guitarist has to show him first.
    Six: one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    In the 22th century, how many guitar players will you need to replace a light source?
    Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Merimbula NSW
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    466

    Re:Guitarist gags

    Gees\' Shaun,

    \"Melt down\". You got me man. It is gonna take me a while to come back on this one.
    Maybe the time has come for the \"Lead Guitarist\'s\" to band together and get all the light bulbs plugged in so that everybody can more easily see how very little drummer\'s do while sitting on their bums, hiding behind their cymbals all night. :blink: :laugh:

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Melbourne
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    665

    Re:Guitarist gags

    I can\'t resist......

    Drummers are far more co-ordinated than guitarists. Ever seen a guitarist who can dance?

    Drummers get sweaty long before guitarists get hot. :P
    You can't handle the truth!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Merimbula NSW
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    No, I haven\'t.

    But, I must add, that drummers don\'t get sweaty on the way toward getting hot, they just end up smelly.. :lol:

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2004
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    261

    Re:Guitarist gags

    What sillyfool said.......
    Maybe sillyfool aint so silly!

  6. #6
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    Melbourne
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    Thanks Boom. :lol:

    I\'ve never encountered a smelly drummer yet! hahahahaha

    I meant, that drummers have to work harder than any other band member:
    Drummers have all their gear to lug in, set-up, play....then pack up and put it all back into their vehicle. I\'d say drummers would have be fitter than guitarists. Guitarists can just stand there, try to look cool and play. Drummers have to play using both arms and both legs. I\'ve seen chubby guitarists, but no chubby drummers.......

    I rest my case. hehe :P
    You can't handle the truth!

  7. #7
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    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    We smile more, how many guitarist actually look like they are having fun.

  8. #8
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    You\'re always smiling Shaun!

    Well, I guess last night was an exception, but then maybe the testosterone levels were higher than usual for Dennis! HAHAHAHAHA

    To be honest, apart from a couple of guitarists, they all look pretty serious!
    You can't handle the truth!

  9. #9
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    Jul 2005
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    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia
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    410

    Re:Guitarist gags

    I have a new one

    I wouldn\'t want to be in ( Lyndon\'s ) band. His timing is so bad that his reflection shows up in the mirror before he does.




    This was a generic joke but after some more drummer bashing a name was added :lol:

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    261

    Re:Guitarist gags

    oi Shaun you cant talk about my mate (lyndon) <-- insert name there) like that sheeesh hahahahahahahhahahhahah i say hahahahah

  11. #11
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    Merimbula NSW
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    Good one Shaun, but the reflection is actually the edited version that the audience hears.
    They wouldn\'t be able to dance to the original timing provided by the drummer. Sorry Dags, had to get this one in, Shauny baby is getting technical and really thinks that I play guitar.!!! :laugh:

  12. #12
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    Oh, I forgot....... Sillyfool, unless you play an instrument, you are taking a big risk teaming up with the \"wanna bee\'s\".

    I recommend that you take up an instrument, because you can have so much fun mixing with us other muso\'s and spend as much time as you enjoy dancing, hanging \"s...t\" on drummers.

    Is life great or what?
    :laugh:

  13. #13
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    Lyndon: hmmmmm you class me as a \"wanna be\" eh? I don\'t need to take up an intstrument to \"mix with muso\'s\", as a lot of musos are friends of mine anyway. :P

    If anything I\'ve been hanging it on guitarists. Where have you seen me hang s**t on dummers here? B)

    I just enjoy teasing people (in a good-natured way). Right Shaun?

    Just because I\'m not a muso, doesn\'t mean I can\'t add silly comments here............does it? :huh:
    You can't handle the truth!

  14. #14
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    261

    Re:Guitarist gags

    Lyndon you call what you do Playing an instrument do you ? lol
    I\'d say it\'s more the other way around the instrument plays you ..Think about it... do we realy play them ? I think NOT
    Look at it this way your instrument =$ your amplification=$ your Up keep eg: strings pics etc=$ your time=$ My Question is who\'s playing who ?.
    and ya don\'t got to be bent to understand that !

  15. #15
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    May 2004
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    Sillyfool doesn\'t need to play an instrument.. I take it sillyfool is a she! ( god i hope it\'s a she ) well she obviously has a thing for drummers and understands how sensitive, honest,loyal and romantic we realy are Don\'t forget we have rhythum..And thats ok with this lil Drummer ! lol

  16. #16
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    Boom: Yes, I am of the fairer sex. You guessed correctly!

    I just think the instrument a person plays says a lot about their nature.
    You can't handle the truth!

  17. #17
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    Jimmy: Thank you. Finally someone thinks my moniker suits me. :lol:
    I do try to live up to it

    Synthesisers can sound like any instrument, so I guess that rules out your argument! :dry:
    You can't handle the truth!

  18. #18
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    LOL Jimmy.

    You call what Prince does dancing?? :P

    You say you can dance, too, but I\'ve yet to witness that! hehehe
    You can't handle the truth!

  19. #19
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    Can you REALLY dance?
    Or do you feel naked \'dancing\' without having a guitar slung around your shoulder? :P

    The only guitarist I know who can dance (very well, too), is Dave Cantrell. B)
    You can't handle the truth!

  20. #20
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    Re:Guitarist gags

    You\'ve told me you can dance, so I think you\'re saying you can\'t dance, with your tongue planted firmly in your cheek.
    You can't handle the truth!

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