This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It's allegedly true and makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
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> A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot..
> One day a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
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> They even gave her very own hard hat and gloves.
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> At the end of the first week they presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
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> When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
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> "You must have worked very hard to earn all this" said the bank cashier. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house."
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> "My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?"
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> The little girl thought for a moment and said, "I think so, Provided those wankers at Jewsons deliver the ****ing bricks!"
Subject: Fw: Fw: POSSIBLY THE BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR
A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets up
and moves to the First Class section and sits down in a spare seat.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see
her ticket. On producing her cheaper ticket, the hostess tells the blonde
passenger that she's only paid for Economy and that she will have to go
and sit in the
back. The blonde replies:
"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and
I'm staying right here!"
The frustrated flight attendant goes into the cockpit
and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting
in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back
to the First Class cabin and tries to explain to the blonde that because
she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an Economy place and she
will have to leave and return to her original seat. The blonde replies
once
again:
"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and
I'm staying just where I am!"
Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no
use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to
arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason. The pilot says:
"You say she's blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde and over
the years I've learnt to speak fluent blonde!" The co-pilot
is immediately dubious and at the same time curious.
The pilot goes back to the blonde, whispers something
in her ear and she replies:
"Oh dear, I am sorry, I had no idea," gets up and moves
back to her seat in the rear of the aircraft. The flight attendant and
co-pilot of course are amazed and asked the pilot what he said to make
her return to her seat without any fuss.
The Pilot replies: "I told her First Class isn't going
to Melbourne ".
At a U2 concert in Glasgow, Bono asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierces the silence; "Well, stop f##ing doing
it then."
:blink:
Dear DAD letter......brilliant
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A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope,
propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the
worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with
trembling hands.
"Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew
you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings,
tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older
than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy
said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a
stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many
more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't,
really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with
the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and
I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to
visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, John.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school
report that's on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come
home.
Thousands wait for new Australian Idol
Sunday Nov 26 18:39 AEDT HERALD SUN.
Thousands of young fans have flocked to Melbourne Central to see Allen Walker the Australian Idol.
More than 6,000 fans excitedly greeted Idol judges Marcia Hines, Mark Holden and Kyle SandilaIt and Allen Walker
It has been one of the closest competitions in the Network Ten programs' four-year history.He is being supported by his wife, his parents and his brother John.
Allen said he will always remember his friends and looks forward to meeting with them soon.
Bolto, Opps......Cliff. Opps........Millie........Oppps Whats with all the Opppses..............Just ask Mel You are only allowed 1 name. He will confirm all for you. I know someone has been saying I am, But, its all a big lie. However, nice to see we are all still alive.
Bolto, Opps......Cliff. Opps........Millie........Oppps Whats with all the Opppses..............Just ask Mel You are only allowed 1 name. He will confirm all for you. I know someone has been saying I am, But, its all a big lie. However, nice to see we are all still alive.
That might be, but if you look at the members list there are still idenities with multiple names on here.... :P
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied,
"I'm having an affair with my secretary, we had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said:
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
In the examination room Abu nervously asks, "You won't laugh?"
Of course I won't laugh," the doctor Wong said. "I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Abu said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest peepee the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been the size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor.
Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am, I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?"
"My darring" he says, "I know dis yoo firss time and you berry
fwighten.
I pwamis yoo, I gib yoo anyting you wan, I do anyting - juss
ask...Anyting yoo wan. Whatchoo wan?" he says, trying to sound
experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly)
for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan try
someping I have hear about... Numbaa 69."
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a
puzzled tone he queries...
A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "Not until you feed the animals."
The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the pig. The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry. His mother said, "I saw you kick the chicken so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow so you're not getting any milk and I saw kick the pig so you're not getting any bacon."
Just then the boy's father walked down the steps and tripped over and kicked the cat and the boy said, "Mom should I tell him?"
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said ...
"Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said ...
"Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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