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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Greenvale, Vic
    Posts
    927

    New Just for laughs

    t was fun being a baby boomer... until now. Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to acommodate aging baby boomers.

    They include:

    Herman's Hermits -- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.

    Ringo Starr -- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

    The Bee Gees -- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

    Bobby Darin -- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

    Roberta Flack -- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

    Johnny Nash -- I Can't See Clearly Now.

    Paul Simon -- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

    The Commodores -- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

    Marvin Gaye -- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

    Procol Harem -- A Whiter Shade of Hair.

    Leo Sayer -- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

    The Temptations -- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

    Abba -- Denture Queen.

    Tony Orlando -- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

    Helen Reddy -- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

    Leslie Gore -- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

    And my favorite:
    Willie Nelson -- On the Commode Again.
    A Good Dance is worth the time it takes to get there.
    "Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!"
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia
    Posts
    837

    Re:New Just for laughs

    THE FENCE"

    The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."


    Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

    Okay, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it
    for old times sake?"

    Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!

    There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

    They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

    The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

    As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

    Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.

    After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

    The policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing.
    I've got to ask them what their secret is.

    As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else.

    You must have had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

    The old man says, "Well,fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

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